I'd post resolutions for the new year, but I feel like that would be so cliché and I'm not feeling very cliché at the moment. So, thus far, 8 days into 2009, nine months away from a ridiculous birthday, I feel like this is going to be a year full of good intentions and sentimental feelings. All signs have pointed this way.
When I left home on the 2nd, it was one of the hardest partings I've had to endure. It definitely made top three. It's going to be a long while before I see the parents again, and that will never get easy for me. Being in Oregon makes me miss my parents and brother, but not in Oregon. It's a place that we all fought hard to make the most of, watched it all fall apart, and then made plans to become something more. Being here reminds me of that. But, in a good way, it's making me make plans to do more, something that both my parents and I are excited about.
In essence, the only goal I have really set out for 2009 is to lose weight (duh and cliché). But all the goals and 'resolutions' I have are not worthy simply for 2009. They're things that I need to make happen, so I'm not marring them as NYRs and watching them dissipate into good intentions by March.
I keep finding myself in an awkward grey area of life. With friends finding relationships, engagements, careers, graduations, marriages, houses; I'm starting to feel like I'm lagging behind. No, it's not that I want every single one of those things, but there are things that I want to see myself accomplish before all those things land at my feet. I need to do so much more before I find a place to put my roots down. I'm learning about the things I love. I'm discovering poetry and falling in love with Robert Frost and Robert Browning, again. I'm figuring out who Elenor Rigby is and I'm letting her go away from me, because I've kept her in my mind for far too long. I'm learning about books and the voices that I love. I'm discovering the genius of Tolstoy and following the tragic life of Anna Karenina. I've rediscovered my French and how much I really love speaking the language of romance. The part of me that has wanted to wander the streets of Paris on cool Autumn days has re-awoken.
So, I don't have any resolutions. Good intentions and sentiments for this year. But I have plans for more than a year. I'm making plans for more than this year. I'm finding ways to see those plans out into something bigger than I could have expected. I think that that's more than enough to be excited for the next year...plus four.
